awareness tools
Awareness & Hidden Characters in Your Mind
Being aware is to see things from a non-judgmental, detached and fair observer’s perspective. However, to continuously have pure and sober awareness is extremely challenging, or nearly impossible, as our mind can easily play tricks on us. It is not uncommon for people in so-called ‘spiritual paths’ to believe they have achieved enlightenment, while ignoring their sense of superiority to others and other hidden agenda in the background. We hear so many stories of cult leaders who unfortunately have fallen into these traps and are misusing their powers. That is why certain lineages of Buddhism such as Gelugpa of Tibetan Buddhism, for example, makes it mandatory for disciples to first finish twenty years or more of practice in theory, philosophy, ethics and meditation. Even after that, only about ten percent of them would be allowed to go into more esoteric practices – the kind that our New Age friends try out on occasional weekend retreats.
For us ordinary folks, I think it’s safer to accept as reality that we go back and forth between moments of pure awareness and quasi-awareness with hidden agenda, and that we can only do our best. We may choose to have trustworthy mentors or friends who could support us with compassion and wake us up when we are lost. In the meantime, it would be a good idea also to remind ourselves from time to time to allow the awareness to come back, and observe what is going on in the back of our mind. Am I trying to win, feel special, appease the inner /outer authority figure? Am I feeling like I’m not succeeding and feeling miserable? Am I blaming others or the outer world for my problems and discomfort? Etc..
If you have managed to ask these questions, know that you have just enhanced your awareness! Once you have noticed a background drama in your mind, it is sometimes helpful to actually enact it; by making it obvious, you may have better understanding of your pattern and have insights. Alternately, you may find your inner drama ridiculous and decide to drop it. Either way, the whole process is in itself awareness work.
Awareness Exercise; Playing out the hidden characters in your head
(While doing the exercise, try keeping the observer in you as much as possible.)
1. When you notice you have a hidden agenda, stop for a moment and see what kind of drama is going on in your mind.
2. What are the main characters? If you can, assign a position for each character in the room. Feel into the characters and give a voice to them one by one. It is important that you actually stand on each spot and speak from that position. You can also use puppets or your two hands.
3. Continue with the dialogue till you find some kind of resolution or insight.
For example, if you are feeling like you are not succeeding, the characters in the drama may be ‘the one who wants to succeed’ and ‘the outer judge.’ The dialogue may start out like this;
A: I want to succeed and feel confident, but it's so difficult.
B: That’s right. You will never succeed. You are good for nothing, and you will stay like that forever.
You may have found for the first time what kind of nasty critic lives in your head and how it’s been your pattern all your life. Once you see it clearly, the dialogue may develop so that the former starts standing for itself and say, ‘that’s a bit too harsh and I won’t stand for your abuse. Please go away. I know that I’m capable of certain things!’
*If you would like personal assistance in following the exercises or would like to have one-on-one phone consultations to support your process, please contact us at info@innerawareness.org.
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